You thought Uncle was on vacation? Not at all. I went to check if Senator Borghese was still enjoying the beaches of Australia, with your daily allowance paid for. Spoiler: he is.
But now he doesn't travel, he acts.
Ha ha ha
And what about that guy from MAIE? He talked nonsense about the citizenship law, attacked Italianism, then deleted it. He acted like that uncle on WhatsApp: sends fake news, gets a comeback, says he didn't know, and deletes it. The party is so lost that, if it were up to them, citizenship would only be granted with the blessing of Apostle Valdemiro and the Vatican's stamp.
And speaking of depending… Zambelli's extradition has been postponed again, now until February. Hopefully, the trial will take place in August (God willing), at the same pace as the citizenship process.
I bet they'll ask for a letter from her great-grandfather, a baptismal certificate, and a photo of the defendant holding spaghetti to prove cultural ties so she can stay in Italy.
Wait, wait, wait… Is Marcelo de Carvalho free, light, and loose, and wanting a seat in the Italian Senate? The former Mega Senha contestant now wants a mega seat.
Rome is preparing itself: if we're not careful, we'll have a game show in the Senate and voting with a red button. Luckily, Luciana Gimenez was left out of the package.
Ha ha ha
And Ventura? He won among the Portuguese in Brazil and went to the second round in Portugal. Curiously, he doesn't like poor immigrants. But rich immigrants with dual citizenship? He sends kisses and says "thank you very much".
Speaking of the poor, we mortals who never wore anything by Valentino are also in mourning. He died and took with him the last trace of Italian elegance.
Meloni has already paid homage to the fashion icon by launching yet another bill that is ill-fitting, itchy in the end, and even pinches where it shouldn't: the new citizenship plan centralized in Rome.
Taddone said it's become a lottery. That's a lie. Lotteries still give prizes. The new system is like bingo: you shout "I'm a descendant!" and they hand you a slip in Latin, a C-892 code, and a warning: "wait seated and in silence."
Ha ha ha
And now Europe wants to ban ketchup packets. They say it's for the environment, but the truth is they're tired of seeing Brazilians asking for ketchup on their pizza. Italy forgives a lot of things, but not this.
Uncle's still around. He's going to secure the Australian wines before Meloni decides that people of Italian descent aren't entitled to anything anymore. Not even a Tuscan red wine.
Arrivederci, beautiful people!
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